⚠ Cursed
Jeff's Propertylegally ambiguous
Ruk Reedwhistle portrait

Official Character Sheet · D&D 5e

My Chemical Neighbourhood

Ruk Reedwhistle

Son of the Fiddle · Heir to the Debt

Warlock (Archfey) 6 / Bard 1 · Character Level 7 · Proficiency +3

"I didn't sign anything. That's my whole position. I have never signed a single document in my life and I intend to keep it that way."
Class & Level
Warlock 6 / Bard 1
Background
Haunted One
Race
Orc
Alignment
Chaotic Neutral
Band Role
Fiddle · The Catgut Contract
Patron
Jeff Goldblum (Archfey)

Ability Scores

Str
14
+2
Dex
12
+1
Con
16
+3
Int
10
+0
Wis
10
+0
Cha
20
+5

Combat

59
/ 59 Hit Points
13
Armor Class
+1
Initiative
30
Speed (ft)
+3
Proficiency
Spell Save DC 16
Spell Attack +8
Casting Stat CHA

Saving Throws

Strength+2
Dexterity+1
Constitution+3
Intelligence+0
Wisdom+3
Charisma+8

Skills

AcrobaticsDex+1
Animal HandlingWis+0
ArcanaInt+3
AthleticsStr+5
Animal HandlingWis+0
DeceptionCha+8
HistoryInt+0
InsightWis+0
IntimidationCha+11
InvestigationInt+0
MedicineWis+0
NatureInt+0
PerceptionWis+0
PerformanceCha+11
PersuasionCha+8
ReligionInt+0
Sleight of HandDex+1
StealthDex+1
SurvivalWis+0

Glowing dot = expertise (2× prof). Filled dot = proficient. Passive Perception 10.

The Vibe Sheet

Band · My Chemical Neighbourhood
Instrument · The Catgut Fiddle (also the contract)
Patron · Jeff Goldblum — very well dressed, suspiciously so
Tragic flaw · Vernon sends letters. Ruk hasn't opened a single one.
Bard (Level 1)

Bardic Inspiration (d6) Bard 1

Once per short rest, inspire an ally to add 1d6 to a roll.

Jack of All Trades Bard 1

Add +1 (half prof) to any unproficient ability check.

Spellcasting Bard 1

CHA-based; access to Vicious Mockery, Healing Word. Uses warlock slots.

Warlock — Archfey Patron (Levels 2–7)

Eldritch Blast Warlock

2 beams at level 5. Agonizing Blast invocation adds CHA (+5) to each beam's damage. Best cantrip in the game. Ruk is aware of this.

Fey Presence Archfey 1

Action: charm or frighten all creatures in a 10ft cube. Wis save DC 16. 1/short rest.

Misty Escape Archfey 6

Reaction when taking damage: teleport 60ft and turn invisible until end of next turn. 1/short rest.

Beguiling Defenses Archfey 10-prep

Immune to charm; reflect charm attempts back on the caster.

Pact of the Tome Warlock 3

A leather grimoire with Jeff Goldblum's marginalia throughout. Three cantrips from any list; access to ritual spells.

Invocations

Agonizing Blast — +CHA to Eldritch Blast damage. One with Shadows — become invisible in dim light/darkness until acting. Eldritch Mind — advantage on CON saves to maintain concentration.

Racial Traits (Orc)

Relentless Endurance Orc

Drop to 1 HP instead of 0, once per long rest. He uses it far more casually than anyone expects.

Savage Attacks Orc

On a melee critical hit, roll one weapon damage die again and add it.

Darkvision Orc

60 ft.

2 Pact slots (4th level) · recover on short rest ↓

Pact Slots (4th lvl)

Cantrips

Eldritch Blast C · 2 beams Minor Illusion C Vicious Mockery C · Bard

Expanded (Archfey) Spells

Faerie Fire 1st Sleep 1st Calm Emotions 2nd Hypnotic Pattern 3rd Banishment 4th

Warlock Spells Known

Phantasmal Force 2nd

Bard Spells

Healing Word 1st

Spell Save DC 16 · Spell Attack +8 · All slots are 4th level · Recover on short rest

⚠ The Curse of the Catgut Fiddle

Ruk's father, Vernon "Old Catgut" Reedwhistle, was a drunk and a spectacular failure at cards — the kind of gambler who loses his boots and then bets his socks. One night he sat down across from a sharp-dressed stranger named Jeff Goldblum and lost every hand. Out of everything, Vernon made one final bet: his firstborn. He figured he was childless. Safe bluff. Jeff Goldblum smiled, extended a hand, and said "deal." Vernon lost on a 7-2 offsuit. He never had a chance. He probably knew that going in.

What Vernon didn't know — what Jeff Goldblum absolutely did know — was that somewhere across town a woman Vernon had once known was giving birth to a baby orc at that exact moment. Ruk arrived in the world at the same instant his father signed him away. Vernon fled the moment he found out, leaving nothing behind but a bar tab and a rumor.

Jeff Goldblum collected his winnings by leaving a cursed fiddle in the crib. The fiddle IS the contract. Ruk can't sell it, lose it, or leave it behind. It always comes back. It tunes itself when Jeff Goldblum is nearby. When Ruk tries to play something Jeff Goldblum doesn't like, the strings go flat. Other fey recognize the mark immediately. As long as Ruk plays, Jeff Goldblum gets something out of it — some fey currency nobody fully understands, least of all Ruk.

Jeff Goldblum is just a guy. Very well dressed. Suspiciously well dressed. Nobody has asked any further questions. He shows up occasionally, tips his hat, sends notes nobody asked for, and has definitely already booked Ruk gigs without telling him. His eyes are slightly too bright and he laughs at things a half second before they happen.

On a nat 1 CHA or Performance roll, Jeff Goldblum materializes briefly to comment. Disadvantage on the next roll.
Once per session Jeff Goldblum has already booked a gig. He expects a cut of the door.
The Tome has new marginalia that wasn't there yesterday.
Expertise in Performance from level 1 — the fiddle is supernaturally good and so is Ruk.

Personality

"I didn't sign anything. That's my whole position. I have never signed a single document in my life and I intend to keep it that way."

Ideal

Loopholes. Every contract has one. Vernon was an idiot but the fine print was real — and fine print can be negotiated.

Bond

The band. They're the only ones who noticed the world changed. Also they're the only ones who laugh when Jeff Goldblum shows up uninvited.

Flaw

Vernon sends letters from wherever he fled to. Ruk hasn't opened a single one. They're starting to pile up.

Origin

Ruk never knew his father. Vernon "Old Catgut" Reedwhistle was a drunk and a spectacular failure at cards. One night, deep in his cups, he played against a sharp-dressed stranger named Jeff Goldblum and lost everything. Out of chips, out of coin, Vernon made one final bet: his firstborn. He figured he was childless. Jeff Goldblum smiled and said "deal." Vernon lost on a 7-2 offsuit.

What Vernon didn't know — what Jeff Goldblum absolutely did know — was that at that exact moment, a woman Vernon had once known was giving birth to a baby orc. Ruk arrived in the world at the same moment his father signed him away. Vernon fled. He sends letters sometimes. Ruk hasn't opened a single one.

The Catgut FiddleCursed arcane focus — it's also the contract. Cannot be sold, lost, or left behind. Always comes back.
The TomeJeff Goldblum's marginalia throughout. New entries appeared this morning.
Leather ArmorAC 11 + DEX modifier.
Light Crossbow + 20 boltsFor when Eldritch Blast would be too obvious.
Explorer's PackStandard issue. Nothing unusual inside. Probably.
Black eyelinerObviously.
Stack of unopened letters from VernonIncreasing pile. Still unopened. Ruk knows they exist. This is enough.
15 gpAfter Jeff Goldblum took his cut.

Dice Roller

—
roll a die

Ruk Reedwhistle · Warlock 6 / Bard 1 · Level 7 ✦ "I didn't sign anything." · The Catgut Fiddle

♩ JEFF GOLDBLUM ALWAYS GETS HIS CUT · EVENTUALLY ♩